You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
