Dual....:-)
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
