All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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