nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
