My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
