I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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