i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
