Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
