I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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