hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
