she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
