The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
