I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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