There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
