You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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