There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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