summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
