Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
