He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
