Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
