I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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