Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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