My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
