The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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