dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
