Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Where is the hickey?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
