The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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