I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
