Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
