I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
