Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
