Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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