two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
