he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
