he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
