I'm gonna have a badass scar
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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