What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
