I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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