My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
