3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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