i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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