I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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