Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
