I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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