College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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