Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
