how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
