I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
