how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
