i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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