My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
