Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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