I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
