I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
