Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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