Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Someone came in the potted fern
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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