You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think I am morally bankrupt
We named our party play list daddy issues
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
