I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
